Sweet Success

I remember one of my first semesters at ARC having to write a paper on success. Ever since then I have become more and more aware that success is in the eye of the beholder.

I happen to behold success much differently than I did a few years ago.

While I never had huge unattainable aspirations or goals, I now realize that when life hits you square in the face, goals change. Measurements of success change. Life changes. Quick. And while the intentions behind my former endeavors were wholesome, I did not understand until very recently that I am not where I am supposed to be.

And despite hours of studying, thousands of dollars in tuition, books and fees, stresses of deadlines and page lengths; it's just not time to focus on that part of the "successfullness" of my life. Not right now. Someday, sure! But today I want to focus on attaining success of a higher standard.

While yesterday I saw success as a 6 figure salary and an approved grad school application; today I see success in finger prints on my oven door window. I see success when I walk down the hall to find an entire roll of toilet paper unrolled and shredded, or when "please" is 1 of 5 vocabulary words known.

Sure I want provision for my family, but I also want to be there for them. God has not called me to be a provider, God has called me to be a nurturer. A story reader, an owie kisser, a "nums" maker, a mom. And when you listen to Him, and can rest soundly in the decision you have made to follow His voice, provision is nothing to worry about.

I don't care if people think I have given up on myself. I don't care if people can't understand why I would "quit" this close to the end of my degree. I don't care if people don't measure success with the same tools I do. This is not a justification for my actions, which need not be justified. This is a reminder, to me and whoever else needs it, success is what makes you happy. And it's alright to not follow through with what you start off doing. Sometimes when life comes at you like a spider monkey, all you can do is put everything you have in God and know that He will take care of you. I'm not giving up on my own personal endeavors, they are just being put in my back pocket for a while. And when the time is right, I'll know.

For now, I will play with my babies, and love my husband. And of course, Lala too.

2010 thus far

So I just realized that my lost blog post was from March. In March I was a stay at home mom. Since I started back up at work, and school, I haven't had the time or energy to record the events of my quite uneventful life. And now that I'm a stay at home mom again, just for this week, I feel so inclined to discuss the goings on of the littlest Browns.

Jerm is still working his butt of at Clark, making the big bucks while killing bugs.

I managed to work 3 days a week and maintain a 3.0 gpa over the past two semesters.

And Kaeden has learned to roll over, sit up, use his hands, crawl, stand up, cruise around, drink a bottle by himself, chase Lala, walk, throw daddy's phone in the tub, climb off the couch, and many many more riveting and amazing activities. He's quite delightful and I've decided I will keep him.

And it's crazy to think that Christmas is in 3 days. I was enormously huge at this time last year, and now my sweet baby boy gets to open his own presents. I can't wait for him to get all the toys and things we bought for him. I think I have a shopping addiction when it comes to that child. I went shopping all day on Sunday and didn't get a thing for myself or Jeremy, just the boy.

In the next few months Jeremy and I are both going to start taking classes. I'll be going in the mornings, eeeeeeearly, and Jerm will be going at night. It's probably going to suck, but I'm very proud of him. When my boy grows up I hope I teach him to be as responsible as his daddy.

Well I'm going to go steam mop before the terrorizer awakens. Good day.

I love walks

Jami and I have decided that we are cows, and that it's time to do something about it so that in a few months I can wear my Victoria's Secret swimsuit from last year and not want to vomit. Instead of not eating, which doesn't work too well when you're breastfeeding, we have decided to start walking everyday with our kids. It kinda sucks because she lives in Davis and I live in Sac so two days a week I go there and two days a week she comes here. And for an hour and a half or so we walk, well in a perfect world an hour and a half but we end up stopping to change someone's diaper or let the girls out to play. I'm excited though, because A. I need the motivation to work out, B. If I don't start leaving my house everyday I'm going to become extremely depressed, and C. I get to get good use out of my jogging stroller and track suit.
My goal is to lose 14 pounds by May, but I'm doubtful. Oh well at least I get to enjoy the lovely scenery.

New car yo

Man I'm so excited, it's about freaking time I got a new car.

It all started with the shaggin waggon. The sexy 97 Ford Aerostar van. Oh yea, that thing was a good time on four wheels. That was the greatest car I ever had. My mom let me have it when she got a new car and I was the coolest 18 year old ever. That bad boy's top speed was 90mph and you better believe I took it there. I miss that van. For some reason I thought it was time for a nicer car. And that is where the problems began.

I bought my sisters little blue car and things were lovely. I could go wherever I wanted go whenever I wanted to go. It went a lot faster than 90mph, I think the fastest we got it was 107. 107 or 104, I can't quite remember. It was fun for a while but then it decided to be rude. I could only go so far because it would overheat until one fateful day it just decided to blow up on the freeway leaving me stuck on the side of the road. Car-less. Alone.

Then we shared the truck for a year and a half, which worked, just not well. We payed out the butt for gas and I had to drive to Vacaville twice a day everyday to drop Jeremy off and pick him up for work. 70 miles round trip. Thats a lot of miles, and it wasn't my sweet ride, it was his.

So finally I find a cute little Jeep that I think will work swimmingly and I buy it... bad idea. Never trust craigslist or shady mechanics. I couldn't leave Sacramento because I was always afraid it would die on me due to the barely functioning third cylinder and cracked engine block. Sad times those were...

Well finally we decide it's time. Jeremy sold his sweet sexy little motorcycle, rip crotch rocket, and we bought a fully functioning new car!!! We purchased a silver 2008 Dodge Caliber SE! It makes me happy. I finally remember what it's like to have the freedom and independence to just get in my car and leave for wherever the wind takes me. Not that I will or need to get up and leave, I just have the option now. I feel like a better person. And it's so fun to drive and drives like a champ. And the sound system if legit enough for my standards, which is nice.

I just feel blessed and happy and free again. Yay.

I don't mean to fail

I fail. I start a blog and then go nearly a month without writing on it.

Life is pretty much unchanging, but for some ridiculous reason I love it. Kaeden is almost a month old! I can't believe it, it seems like last week we came home with him. I love being with him, I like waking up every night at 2 and then again at 4 and then again at 6 to hang out. He's getting so strong too. I will put him on my chest and he holds his little bobble head up all by himself. Before I know it he'll be walking. I'm so glad he's finally getting into a little routine. It makes it easier to know what to expect, although as soon as I say that he's going to go all crazy and get his days and nights mixed up again. My sweet little man...

School on the other hand.. not so exciting. For some reason I'm just not tuned in this semester. I feel like I'm getting a little lazy and I'm not even finished with my first year of undergrad. The homework has started to kick in and I can't use the "I don't have my textbook yet" excuse anymore. Although I can't believe I'm already on my third week of school. Only 13 more weeks left!! It's sad when you as soon as you get to class you scratch the date off the syllabus like you're accomplishing something, for some odd reason it just makes me feel better about myself. It's so amazing to think that by the end of this semester in 1 year I will be finished! I'm pretty proud of myself, now hopefully I just won't screw it up.

I'm still not working, I don't know when I'm going back, I'm going back, I just don't know when. I miss work so much and I miss all my ladies, but at the same time I hate not being with the little man. I wouldn't mind the monetary compensation though. I'm a little underpaid as a stay home mommy.

Well the child is screaming so I have to go be a mom now. Yay.

1st Blog

I've always wanted to start a blog, and what better time than the present?

I think I'll set a goal to try and write something of interest a few times a week, we'll see how that goes though.

I'm out of school until the 25th of January, off of work for a few months, and about to pop out a child. I can only clean my house so many times and bake so many batches of cookies before I start to rip out my hair. So I suppose I will just write, because writing is what I like to do.

I'm not sure how this stay-at-home-and-take-full-responsibility-of-a-tiny-human-being's-life is going to work out. I guess it's a little late for that though. Not that I doubt I can do it, I can pretty much do anything, I'm kind of amazing like that. I just have things I want to accomplish, that aren't necessarily accomplish-able here at home. And I'm sure there are new goals I'll set that I want to accomplish post-Pat. I suppose where there is a will there is a way, and I'm so set in my ways that if I say I'm going to do it I will do it, Pat or no Pat.

Speaking of Pat, it should be here any day (was supposed to be here yesterday) and has decided to be like it's father and run fashionably late. How do I feel about this? Not well, not well at all. I have tried endless combinations of wives tales to try and coax it into the world, but with little success. It really is true, babies have their own time agendas and they stick to them. My Dr. said today that I definitely don't look like I'll go past 42 weeks, which was comforting and discouraging at the same time. So for now I will just sit in Pat's room and revel in it's cuteness.