I remember one of my first semesters at ARC having to write a paper on success. Ever since then I have become more and more aware that success is in the eye of the beholder.
I happen to behold success much differently than I did a few years ago.
While I never had huge unattainable aspirations or goals, I now realize that when life hits you square in the face, goals change. Measurements of success change. Life changes. Quick. And while the intentions behind my former endeavors were wholesome, I did not understand until very recently that I am not where I am supposed to be.
And despite hours of studying, thousands of dollars in tuition, books and fees, stresses of deadlines and page lengths; it's just not time to focus on that part of the "successfullness" of my life. Not right now. Someday, sure! But today I want to focus on attaining success of a higher standard.
While yesterday I saw success as a 6 figure salary and an approved grad school application; today I see success in finger prints on my oven door window. I see success when I walk down the hall to find an entire roll of toilet paper unrolled and shredded, or when "please" is 1 of 5 vocabulary words known.
Sure I want provision for my family, but I also want to be there for them. God has not called me to be a provider, God has called me to be a nurturer. A story reader, an owie kisser, a "nums" maker, a mom. And when you listen to Him, and can rest soundly in the decision you have made to follow His voice, provision is nothing to worry about.
I don't care if people think I have given up on myself. I don't care if people can't understand why I would "quit" this close to the end of my degree. I don't care if people don't measure success with the same tools I do. This is not a justification for my actions, which need not be justified. This is a reminder, to me and whoever else needs it, success is what makes you happy. And it's alright to not follow through with what you start off doing. Sometimes when life comes at you like a spider monkey, all you can do is put everything you have in God and know that He will take care of you. I'm not giving up on my own personal endeavors, they are just being put in my back pocket for a while. And when the time is right, I'll know.
For now, I will play with my babies, and love my husband. And of course, Lala too.
I love this Kessie. Go for it! :D
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ReplyDeleteDear Kessie,
ReplyDeleteThis is my second attempt to write an encouraging note to you in response to your latest posting. I wrote it all out yesterday right before I left my office and when I pressed the button to post my comments to you, I was not set up on an acceptable profile and I lost all I had written!!! Bummer!!! (No I did not save what I wrote; I know I should have)
So here I go again. I love what you wrote. Your view of success has matured and in the right direction. That you are valuing the fingerprints on the oven door window, toilet paper decorations and to be around to witness and invest yourself in building a five word vocabulary into a six and then ten word vocabulary is a treasure in itself.
You have realized at a young age that the Lord will provide all that is needed when we respond to what He says and give value to what He values. You also will realize that, by following what He values, your life will be filled with abundance and prosperity in currencies that transcend money and financial wealth. You are becoming rich in love. Love, by the way, lasts forever. Jesus told us to lay up treasures that are eternal and incorruptible. Maybe He was talking about love. And love is first what we choose to do not just what we might first feel. The feeling of what comes from having loved is what comes as a result of having loved and as part of the treasure we have and that cannot be taken away. You are taking this time to invest wisely for a future return that will not erode but grow forever.
You have not given up on yourself! You have not quit your educational pursuits. Your formal education has been put on hold but that is not the only way people learn. You are learning about life and what truly matters in it. Success in not just what makes you happy. It is what satisfies and fulfills you. You have chosen to invest your time and energy toward your husband and children. You value them so your investment into them is fulfilling and has worth.
You put the right thing in your back pocket. You could have continued your formal education and gotten your degree. You were totally set up and on track to do just that. But that means that you would have had to put your kids in that pocket. You could have. You would not have been wrong to do that. Many do just that. But you would have gotten what the degree would give you. Probably a job (I say probably because in this economy who knows) and then even more time invested in that job in order to get the most out of the investment you made in your education. We all make choices and set our lives on an adjusted coarse every time we make a choice. You have made a life-coarse adjustment. It will have it's challenges, costs and rewards. You are defining your values by what you chose to do at this point in your life. You will reap the fruit from the field you have labored in and the seed that you have sown.
I see a woman who's heart and life will thrive because of the path she has chose for herself. She has chosen the path of trusting God with everything, giving herself to playing with her kids and loving her husband. What a beautiful and wise life-choice you have made. Jeremy is to be commended for providing financially for you to have the opportunity to make the choice and to walk this road. Because you and Jeremy chose each other as husband and wife and now you are choosing to work together and invest in one another and your children, I see a family that has a huge chance of ending up full to overflowing with treasures that will last forever for all the people in and around your family; fulfilled and satisfied... a bunch of successful people!
I am so very proud of you! If you are looking to be a successful woman, you have chosen wisely in the past and are choosing wisely now! You are on a great coarse for immense success!
I love you and yours with all my heart,
Pastor Jonathan
Love it! and Love yoU! you're my hero!
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful. You will never regret this point of view. Ever. xxoo t
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